Some (supposedly) actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews…
(source unknown)
Problem: “Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.”
Solution: “Almost replaced left inside main tire.”
Problem: “Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.”
Solution: “Autoland not installed on this aircraft.”
Problem #1: “#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid.”
Solution #1:”#2 Propeller seepage normal.”
Problem #2: “#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage.”
Problem: “The autopilot doesn’t t.”
Signed off :”IT DOES NOW.”
Problem: “Something loose in cockpit.”
Solution: “Something tightened in cockpit.”
Problem: “Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.”
Solution: “Evidence removed…”
Problem: “DME volume unbelievably loud.”
Solution: “Volume set to more believable level.”
Problem: “Dead bugs on windshield.”
Solution: “Live bugs on order.”
Problem: “Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.”
Solution: “Cannot reproduce problem on ground.”
Problem: “IFF inoperative.”
Solution: “IFF inoperative in OFF mode.”
Problem: “Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.”
Solution: “That s what they re there for.”
Problem: “Number three engine missing.”
Solution: “Engine found on right wing after brief search.”
Complaint:
Flir (Forward Looking Infra-red) not operational.
Solution:
Found the On Full Force(OFF)switch in the On Full Force position.
Flir will not work in that mode the request was submitted by a LtC.After reviewing his closure
information he came to the shop and asked where the On Full
Force(OFF)switch was located so he would not make the same mistake twice